Pity Party for 1?!?

OK, so I know you all know how I feel about the "Poor Me Train", but I think I'm at whits end about to jump on!!!!

I mean I know I can be OOC (out of control... which by the way me and my friends came up with that WAY before 'lol' and computer/aim jargon was even born!) but I know I cannot be THAT annoying- Do NOT answer that, haha, OK maybe I can! BUT lately I get the feeling that 'some people' can't stand me, like anything I do is really annoying and then it just keeps adding up and finally I think to myself.. let's put things into perspective... I know I'm not perfect, I'm not a saint, I'm not the smartest, but am I really that "bad of a person", "annoying", "mean", etc. etc.?!?!?

And I always come back to NO... the way that I feel (all these negative things times 10 zillion) cannot be in proportion to how I actually am. I'm sure I can be all of these things at times, but all-in-all I think I'm a pretty "good" (for lack of a better word) person. SO, why do I feel this way sometimes?!? And it's not ALL the time... like if you saw me I don't look DP or sad anything. Cause overall I'm not, I'm happy and motivated, but this is how my mind works.. these thoughts just swirl and swirl and swirl around on the inside of my brain....

What's that saying.... "don't give others control or permission" to make you feel worthy or have control over you? Is that even in a saying or did someone just give me that awesome advice one time?!? And it REALLY is true!!! A LOT easier said than done when you are having these feelings as a reaction from someone you truly care what they think or say... or don't say!!!

And then the way my mind works is I go into "survivor" mode where I will get to the bottom of this "debacle" if it's the last thing I do.... and then I feel like it only feeds the fire and makes things worse. See a little side-note about me if you didn't get it before.. I only have 2 gears.. 1st gear and 6th gear.. there's nothing in between.... so you can just picture the shenanigans!

The only advice I have for myself is positive self talk, self-affirmations, and really truly trying to keep things into perspective and reality for me! So when I do feel these feelings.. I have to assess the situation and either truly take responsibility (if I have 'done' something) or realize that I do NOT have control over others, their thoughts, actions, or reactions and accept that I cannot "control or fix" a situation and go on with my life the best I know how and in the end it will all work itself out for the better.. WHY PEOPLE?!? Because...... "everything happens for a reason"

DOES ANYONE ELSE EVERY FEEL THIS WAY?!?!

Oh well... no lo se..... maybe I just needed to vent and actually sort of feel better and can re-focus my day! Thanks for listening!